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#YourVoices
Kate Ranta
My name is Kate Ranta and I am a survivor of domestic and gun violence at the hands of my ex-husband. Almost 8 years ago (but it doesn’t seem that long ago, believe me), he ambushed my dad and me at my new apartment and shot us twice each – in front of our then 4-year-old son. I had “just left” and was in much more danger after I made that decision. I had not given him my new address and he stalked and found me anyway. My father and I lived and my son was physically unharmed, but the emotional and psychological scars remain a constant battle to this day.
As a result of my horrific experience, I decided not to stay silent about what happened to us. From my hospital bed, absolutely enraged that this preventable tragedy had happened at all, I made the decision to chronicle my journey on a public Facebook page to show the ripple effect of violence on me, my son, my family, friends, co-workers, and so on. By speaking out, I’ve had opportunities to spread awareness in documentaries and other media outlets, on expert panels, on the steps of the U.S. Capitol and in Congressional press conferences, in testimony to the House Armed Services Committee on domestic violence in the military, and more. I also created a website – and even co-wrote a book, “Killing Kate: A Story of Turning Abuse and Tragedy into Transformation and Triumph.” I believe it’s so important for survivors to share their truths because the power in putting an end to violence against women is in the harsh reality of our experiences.
#RaiseYourVoice
As a result of my horrific experience, I decided not to stay silent about what happened to us. From my hospital bed, absolutely enraged that this preventable tragedy had happened at all, I made the decision to chronicle my journey on a public Facebook page to show the ripple effect of violence on me, my son, my family, friends, co-workers, and so on. By speaking out, I’ve had opportunities to spread awareness in documentaries and other media outlets, on expert panels, on the steps of the U.S. Capitol and in Congressional press conferences, in testimony to the House Armed Services Committee on domestic violence in the military, and more. I also created a website – and even co-wrote a book, “Killing Kate: A Story of Turning Abuse and Tragedy into Transformation and Triumph.” I believe it’s so important for survivors to share their truths because the power in putting an end to violence against women is in the harsh reality of our experiences.
#RaiseYourVoice
Charolotte Anne
Charolotte Anne is one of the survivors in Finding Jenn’s Voice. Charolotte survived a brutal strangulation attack in 2009 while pregnant. She is a mother of two daughters and works as an advocate for change. Charolotte strives to strengthen relationships between the community and governm nt agencies to achieve the common goal of one day ending violence by awareness, intervention, guidance, and public service. She serves on the Minnesota Crime Victims Reparations Board and the Survivor Advisory Group to the Governor’s Office. Charolotte believes the big picture is key to the smaller picture. ”It's not just my day job, these are people's lives!”
Lisette Johnson
Lisette Johnson has been featured on NPR’s The Takeaway, and in Time, The Washington Post, Huffington Post and USA Today. She has testified before Congress and the Virginia General Assembly in her violence prevention advocacy work. Lisette was shot in 2009 by her husband, in front of their children, who then took his own life. Her blog can be found at ShamelessSurvivors.com.
Brandy Sloan
I never thought of myself as a “victim of domestic violence.” I didn’t know that those words applied to me. I didn’t know that it was not okay for my boyfriend or my husband to hit me. I usually blamed myself - if I could just “be better,” then he wouldn’t get so angry. He wouldn’t have to slap me or kick me or shove me. I thought if I could just change, and be the perfect woman he wanted, then he wouldn’t do those things. I thought it was all my fault. These are the lies that domestic violence tells us. So I suffered in silence. For many years. Beginning with my first serious relationship in college, and in each subsequent relationship I had until I was in my thirties, I minimized and rationalized away the abuse I suffered at the hands of multiple partners. I went from one abusive situation to the next, carrying this sickness of domestic violence with me as it grew bigger and more toxic, until the final act of violence that nearly ended my life.
On August 22, 2010, Faatau Fale, the man I was in a relationship with at the time, beat me nearly to death with an aluminum baseball bat and strangled me until he thought I was dead. I was pregnant at the time, and my unborn child did not survive. During the attack, Faatau fractured my skull, causing a subdural hematoma; he broke my nose and my eye socket; he broke both of my arms; and crushed my hands, breaking all but three of my fingers. I’m a musician. I’ve played piano and taught lessons nearly all my life. Injuring my hands was the worst way possible to hurt me - and Faatau knew that. After beating me, with his fists and with the bat, he then sat on my chest, closed his hands around my throat, and squeezed as hard as he could. He strangled me over and over again until I passed out and he thought he had killed me. He left me there in a pool of my own blood.
That final incident of violence was by far the worst I’d ever experienced. However, it was also how I broke free. It finally broke the cycle I’d been living in for so many years. While recovering in the hospital, I got the number of Family Violence Prevention Services, the local domestic violence organization in San Antonio where I live, and found an amazing support group. It was there that I was first educated about domestic violence, and where I learned to accept that I was in fact, a victim of abuse. I learned that it was not okay, that I didn’t deserve it, and that I didn’t have to live that way. I learned valuable lessons and coping skills, and how to spot red flags in subsequent relationships. I began to heal, and rebuild my life. I became a victim’s advocate, and started telling my story, in the hopes that I could help others find their way out of their own dark places. I found my voice. I was able to face my batterer in court and see him brought to justice - something not every victim is able to do. I regained the use of my hands, resumed my career in music, and opened my own music school. I am still playing and teaching music. He didn’t get to take that from me. I am now married to an amazing man who would never dream of hurting me, and soon we will have our first child. I have lived my best life in spite of domestic violence. I feel like I was given a second chance at life, and I am careful not to waste that gift. The only way to stop the death, to stop the violence, and save lives - is with more awareness, with education, with counseling, and with resources for victims to safely leave their abusive situations and start to rebuild their lives. Everyone has the right to live with dignity, free from fear, free from violence, and free from harm. If we all stand together, we can make sure that victims live to be survivors, who not only survive, but thrive.
On August 22, 2010, Faatau Fale, the man I was in a relationship with at the time, beat me nearly to death with an aluminum baseball bat and strangled me until he thought I was dead. I was pregnant at the time, and my unborn child did not survive. During the attack, Faatau fractured my skull, causing a subdural hematoma; he broke my nose and my eye socket; he broke both of my arms; and crushed my hands, breaking all but three of my fingers. I’m a musician. I’ve played piano and taught lessons nearly all my life. Injuring my hands was the worst way possible to hurt me - and Faatau knew that. After beating me, with his fists and with the bat, he then sat on my chest, closed his hands around my throat, and squeezed as hard as he could. He strangled me over and over again until I passed out and he thought he had killed me. He left me there in a pool of my own blood.
That final incident of violence was by far the worst I’d ever experienced. However, it was also how I broke free. It finally broke the cycle I’d been living in for so many years. While recovering in the hospital, I got the number of Family Violence Prevention Services, the local domestic violence organization in San Antonio where I live, and found an amazing support group. It was there that I was first educated about domestic violence, and where I learned to accept that I was in fact, a victim of abuse. I learned that it was not okay, that I didn’t deserve it, and that I didn’t have to live that way. I learned valuable lessons and coping skills, and how to spot red flags in subsequent relationships. I began to heal, and rebuild my life. I became a victim’s advocate, and started telling my story, in the hopes that I could help others find their way out of their own dark places. I found my voice. I was able to face my batterer in court and see him brought to justice - something not every victim is able to do. I regained the use of my hands, resumed my career in music, and opened my own music school. I am still playing and teaching music. He didn’t get to take that from me. I am now married to an amazing man who would never dream of hurting me, and soon we will have our first child. I have lived my best life in spite of domestic violence. I feel like I was given a second chance at life, and I am careful not to waste that gift. The only way to stop the death, to stop the violence, and save lives - is with more awareness, with education, with counseling, and with resources for victims to safely leave their abusive situations and start to rebuild their lives. Everyone has the right to live with dignity, free from fear, free from violence, and free from harm. If we all stand together, we can make sure that victims live to be survivors, who not only survive, but thrive.
Lerai Koppel
My 3 children and I fled California in 2014 because we were threatened with being killed and buried in the desert.
We took matters into our own hands and made the decision to leave our own country to stay alive.
My ex-husband was using a gun to discipline our 3 children and they lived in constant fear. When they told me it was time to leave, I did exactly that and we are alive today, ONLY because we protected ourselves.
Families that are being abused shouldn't have to leave their own country to be safe! When an American Family feels safer in the Middle East with rockets flying overhead than in their home in America living with 24 hours surveillance, moving homes and endless court hearings documenting abuse and stalking something is terribly wrong. I have criminal charges pending against me for protecting my own children when the courts failed them.
Cases like ours are not just "Custody Disputes”. We are human beings struggling to survive abuse and make a better safer future. Many mothers and their children are abused further by the justice system, when they are asked to "get along " with the abuser for the “sake of the children” It just doesn't work that way when abuse is involved. I am currently unable to leave Israel because of the charges pending against me. The charges should have been dropped when we won the Hague Convention Case (through the Israeli Supreme Court.) Our family was told by three courts over here that we did the RIGHT thing by running for our lives. The District Attorney has said that Amy would be placed with her abusive father or put into foster care if we returned to America, and I would go to jail and face a trial for protecting my children.
We protected ourselves when the system failed. I’m grateful that Israel protected Adam, Zachary, and Amy. It’s been very painful trying to understand why our own country failed them.
We took matters into our own hands and made the decision to leave our own country to stay alive.
My ex-husband was using a gun to discipline our 3 children and they lived in constant fear. When they told me it was time to leave, I did exactly that and we are alive today, ONLY because we protected ourselves.
Families that are being abused shouldn't have to leave their own country to be safe! When an American Family feels safer in the Middle East with rockets flying overhead than in their home in America living with 24 hours surveillance, moving homes and endless court hearings documenting abuse and stalking something is terribly wrong. I have criminal charges pending against me for protecting my own children when the courts failed them.
Cases like ours are not just "Custody Disputes”. We are human beings struggling to survive abuse and make a better safer future. Many mothers and their children are abused further by the justice system, when they are asked to "get along " with the abuser for the “sake of the children” It just doesn't work that way when abuse is involved. I am currently unable to leave Israel because of the charges pending against me. The charges should have been dropped when we won the Hague Convention Case (through the Israeli Supreme Court.) Our family was told by three courts over here that we did the RIGHT thing by running for our lives. The District Attorney has said that Amy would be placed with her abusive father or put into foster care if we returned to America, and I would go to jail and face a trial for protecting my children.
We protected ourselves when the system failed. I’m grateful that Israel protected Adam, Zachary, and Amy. It’s been very painful trying to understand why our own country failed them.
Anonymous
I'm a survivor of 16 years of DV. I have completely transformed my life. I'm currently obtaining my degree and I live a happy and quiet life with my children.
My story starts in the early 2000s I meet and fall in love with who I thought was my soul mate at the time. Shortly after we met we got engaged and a few months later married. The red flags and warning signs started emerging weeks after our wedding. The jealousy was the first sign then the controlling started. The mind games came next and that's what really got me and held me in a horrible marriage for 16 years. I had never had anyone make me feel so loved yet so guilty and sorry for everything at the same time. I was always on pins and needles because I never knew when the next argument would happen. It was so bad that I fell into a deep depression because I felt useless. My ex would constantly cheat on me and leave me at home while he engaged in his affairs mind you this is still months after we got married. The mind manipulation was so severe that I would leave and always go back knowing it was a horrible situation but I still wanted his love and acceptance no matter how he treated me. Fast forward years into our marriage we bring our beautiful children into the world. The DV never stops but I somehow manage to find happiness with our children. If it wasn't for my children I know our marriage would've lasted 16 years. My children brought me happiness and detracted me from all of the bad in life at that time. So over the years the fighting gets worse and settles down at times but never completely stops.
In all of the madness and chaos in my life at that time I pushed myself and somehow got myself into school. I remember I would go to class with sweaters on every day and my instructor would tell me " It's like 100 degrees outside aren't you hot"? I was hiding my burses from the world. I went to night class because that was the only way I was allowed to go outside where no men could see me in a class full of women. He even made sure my instructor was a female. My graduation was one of my best days looking back. I can still remember seeing my ex sit in the back pouting with his arms crossed while my family sat proudly in the front row of my graduation. I had just lost a family member just that previous year to DV. Her murder was a major turning point in my life. I have never told anyone but she was definitely my motivation to back to school and start a new life. I never knew that would start a fire in me and years after I walked the stage at my graduation my life would be so different.
The last and final year we spend together as a family was really ruff it was almost like the very first year we got married all over again. I knew if I didn't find a way out or end our marriage I would not live to see my children grow up. I was changing and growing as a person and my ex was losing his control over me. I began to see a counsellor in secret to mentally get stronger to prepare myself for a new life away from my ex. I got a job and made friends. I started to feel my confidence come back again. my ex became more and more controlling over me and abusive. I ultimately pushed my ex away mentally and physically. I couldn't pretend anymore at family functions that I was happy. We slept in separate rooms with little to no communication. I would walk away from an argument and take my kids to my parents and stay away for days at a time to avoid fights. I got my family more involved in my life letting them of my problems. I slowly showed my ex I'm not gonna let you control me anymore. A bold move but it’s how I felt at that time. I wanted power back in my life.
A few months before we split for good I found my ex engaging with other women online. I had no clue my actions would force my ex into the arms of another woman for comfort. He planned his exit to find his happiness. I came home one day to a note. He was finally gone for good! The night before he left included fighting about how I was "neglecting his feeling and why he turned back to substances abuse again". Pretty much it was all my fault in his eyes.
That final day he left I thought I was finally free I sadly mistaken! About 6 months after my children's father left he then decided he wanted to come home and reconcile our marriage. He attacked me IN front of our children pinning me down and holding me against my will for hours. I thought I was going to die that day. I lied to him and told him what he wanted to hear so he would leave so I could get my kids and find help. That was the last time he ever physically hurt me.
The Physical abuse ended years ago for me but the emotional scars will always be there. I have my triggers that include loud noises and all the textbook PTSD symptoms. I have my good days and my bad. I have heard it all from random people in my life. The worse by far is that I need to "forgive and forget" and " just do counselling together to co-Parent better". I still fear him I don't know if that will ever change. I've even had others tell me "it's over move on" you’re happy now. I have tried to be in the same room with my ex for my kids but it’s hard to fake it when you are still hurting inside from all of the trauma. My ex my not physically harm anymore but that doesn't stop his verbal and childish behaviour to hurt my feeling.
I have found hope and encouragement through DV centres and advocates. I have a counsellor that is amazing she specializes in DV. Working with everyone at the DV centres has really helped me get through the tuff situations in my life.
There is hope no matter your story. It has taken me years to realize I'm a survivor and I'm lucky to still be here to tell my story. Find your strength and help others if you can.
My story starts in the early 2000s I meet and fall in love with who I thought was my soul mate at the time. Shortly after we met we got engaged and a few months later married. The red flags and warning signs started emerging weeks after our wedding. The jealousy was the first sign then the controlling started. The mind games came next and that's what really got me and held me in a horrible marriage for 16 years. I had never had anyone make me feel so loved yet so guilty and sorry for everything at the same time. I was always on pins and needles because I never knew when the next argument would happen. It was so bad that I fell into a deep depression because I felt useless. My ex would constantly cheat on me and leave me at home while he engaged in his affairs mind you this is still months after we got married. The mind manipulation was so severe that I would leave and always go back knowing it was a horrible situation but I still wanted his love and acceptance no matter how he treated me. Fast forward years into our marriage we bring our beautiful children into the world. The DV never stops but I somehow manage to find happiness with our children. If it wasn't for my children I know our marriage would've lasted 16 years. My children brought me happiness and detracted me from all of the bad in life at that time. So over the years the fighting gets worse and settles down at times but never completely stops.
In all of the madness and chaos in my life at that time I pushed myself and somehow got myself into school. I remember I would go to class with sweaters on every day and my instructor would tell me " It's like 100 degrees outside aren't you hot"? I was hiding my burses from the world. I went to night class because that was the only way I was allowed to go outside where no men could see me in a class full of women. He even made sure my instructor was a female. My graduation was one of my best days looking back. I can still remember seeing my ex sit in the back pouting with his arms crossed while my family sat proudly in the front row of my graduation. I had just lost a family member just that previous year to DV. Her murder was a major turning point in my life. I have never told anyone but she was definitely my motivation to back to school and start a new life. I never knew that would start a fire in me and years after I walked the stage at my graduation my life would be so different.
The last and final year we spend together as a family was really ruff it was almost like the very first year we got married all over again. I knew if I didn't find a way out or end our marriage I would not live to see my children grow up. I was changing and growing as a person and my ex was losing his control over me. I began to see a counsellor in secret to mentally get stronger to prepare myself for a new life away from my ex. I got a job and made friends. I started to feel my confidence come back again. my ex became more and more controlling over me and abusive. I ultimately pushed my ex away mentally and physically. I couldn't pretend anymore at family functions that I was happy. We slept in separate rooms with little to no communication. I would walk away from an argument and take my kids to my parents and stay away for days at a time to avoid fights. I got my family more involved in my life letting them of my problems. I slowly showed my ex I'm not gonna let you control me anymore. A bold move but it’s how I felt at that time. I wanted power back in my life.
A few months before we split for good I found my ex engaging with other women online. I had no clue my actions would force my ex into the arms of another woman for comfort. He planned his exit to find his happiness. I came home one day to a note. He was finally gone for good! The night before he left included fighting about how I was "neglecting his feeling and why he turned back to substances abuse again". Pretty much it was all my fault in his eyes.
That final day he left I thought I was finally free I sadly mistaken! About 6 months after my children's father left he then decided he wanted to come home and reconcile our marriage. He attacked me IN front of our children pinning me down and holding me against my will for hours. I thought I was going to die that day. I lied to him and told him what he wanted to hear so he would leave so I could get my kids and find help. That was the last time he ever physically hurt me.
The Physical abuse ended years ago for me but the emotional scars will always be there. I have my triggers that include loud noises and all the textbook PTSD symptoms. I have my good days and my bad. I have heard it all from random people in my life. The worse by far is that I need to "forgive and forget" and " just do counselling together to co-Parent better". I still fear him I don't know if that will ever change. I've even had others tell me "it's over move on" you’re happy now. I have tried to be in the same room with my ex for my kids but it’s hard to fake it when you are still hurting inside from all of the trauma. My ex my not physically harm anymore but that doesn't stop his verbal and childish behaviour to hurt my feeling.
I have found hope and encouragement through DV centres and advocates. I have a counsellor that is amazing she specializes in DV. Working with everyone at the DV centres has really helped me get through the tuff situations in my life.
There is hope no matter your story. It has taken me years to realize I'm a survivor and I'm lucky to still be here to tell my story. Find your strength and help others if you can.
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